My Heart Is Calling
by Asarikou-chan
Summary: Post Fic. His heart was too young and sensitive to bear such a loss of a loving heart. The sharp agony struck him painfully but at least he had his brother to cry on his shoulder.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note**

Hi everyone...again ...^.^... This is a four-shots story (as I have planned) so _hopefully_ the coming chapters will be uploaded soon. The name came from a Korean song for Kim Dong Wook in You're Beautiful Ost. The story has nothing to do with the lyrics, though. I just took the name hehe.

The idea is a little bit cliched but I wanted to write it badly and well you it is hard resist an idea when it keep nagging.

**Another thing**, I have got a poll on my profile so if you are interested in my other stories, you can drop by it to choose the story you want it to be updated weekly (I will do my best to achieve that).

Well, that is all I guess. Enjoy and tell me what you think.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.**

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><p><strong>My Heart Is Calling<strong>

'Kouji!'

Kouichi moaned half consciously, feeling the heavy sweat that wrapped his trembled body as his eyelids blinked weakly at the image of his brother above him.

'Shush. It is okay. I am here. Go back to sleep.' Kouji soothed him, pushing him again gently to the bed. Kouichi's eyes wondered sleepily before the image of Kouji's room organized itself in his confused mind, 'It is you-your room,' he managed to whisper.'But how? I can't rem-'

Kouji placed his finger over his slightly elder twin's lips kindly, hushing him. 'Just go to sleep. Nothing happened…'He tightened the thick blanket over his brother and made sure that the mattress was comfortable enough. 'Everything will be okay. I promise.'

A small, tired and ignorant smile curved Kouichi pale lips. 'But '

'Don't speak. Just sleep. Trust me. I won't do anything you don't want. Relax.'

'Hai.' Kouichi said sweetly in defenseless obedience as he closed his eyes to return to the darkness world of sleepiness.

Kouji sighed heavily as he rested on the headboard, gazing worriedly at his brother's innocently sleeping face. Another tired sigh interrupted the darkness as he stepped out of the bed and gave the digital clock beside his bed a quick look. It was three in the morning.

He crossed the room rapidly and opened the door. In front of the door, he wasn't surprised to see his father and his step-mom's worried looks.

'How is he? Should we call a doctor?' Satomi asked in a frantic worry. Kouji looked at the ground shamefully and answered shortly. 'He is sleeping now.'

'No need for the doctor then. To be honest, I expected something like this, but didn't expect that he would try to run away this quickly.' The twins' father said while rubbing his jaw with an ice pack.

'I am sorry, Otou-san. I should have kept an eye on him.'

Kousei came closer and put his hand on his younger son's shoulder and said calmly. 'It is okay, Kouji. He was asleep walking anyway. It is not your fault nor his. If it is anyone's fault it is mine. I shouldn't have forced him to be with us.'

'No, it is not like that. He isn't against living with us. He doesn't like the circumstances that pushed him here besides I would never do anything he doesn't want or allow others to do that to him.'

Kousei smiled at his thirteen-year old son's attempt to defend his brother even without the need to justify his actions. He smiled, 'I see. It was a long night. You need some sleep too.'

Kouji nodded and entered the room, murmuring his good nights to them.

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><p>It had been a week since the twins' mother, Kimura Tomoko, entered the hospital as her condition was considered as critical one. There was nothing they can do to help her and the Children Care Organization was concerned about the whole situation and intended to send Kouichi, who was practically living alone, to a foster home or to an orphanage. Realizing that his father was still alive, they gave him the available options however, he preferred to take Kouichi himself.<p>

The legal forms went smoothly for someone who spent his life in courts and between law documents. Kouichi's relationship with him wasn't the best of relations but they talked a lot and it was much better than how it had been the first few times they met after the twins' discovery of the other half of their family. Kousei had expected Kouichi to protest but he never thought that his elder son would feel that anger he saw him with when he told him about the new custody situation several hours ago.

It was a shame indeed as he himself wished that he could keep his two sons under his care but the way things turned out weren't what he wanted. He felt guilty after what happened because even if he never wanted the way things happened in, he couldn't deny that he had wished the end of it very badly. His two sons would live together with him. What would he ask for more?

'Does it hurt?' Satomi asked her husband, interrupting his thoughts as they settled on the living room few minutes later after Kouji had gone to his bed. He looked at her and accepted the wet cloth she gave him for his bruise.

He chuckled against his will,' Who could believe that a sweet boy like Kouichi can be that dangerous under pressure? Another proof of the reality of Duskmon's story. His punch does hurt. I shouldn't have tried to hold him forcefully. He felt threatened and fought back.'

She sighed and put the tea cup in front of her husband and another one in front of her, 'At least, Kouji managed to control him before he could hurt himself. I thought for a moment there that he will break free from your hold and run outside.'

'There was a high possibility he would but I can't deny that I am surprised. I didn't know that he can do all that while being asleep.'

'You said it. He was threaten and under pressure and as he was kind enough not to try to do anything to hurt you or Kouji, his subconscious did that for him, though'

He took the cup and sipped slowly before sighing, 'Still, it was my fault. I shouldn't have taken custody over him without his permission. I allowed myself to take decisions instead of him. It is his life.'

'You didn't have a choice. Tomoko-san is in the hospital for a week and in a critical condition, it was the only choice. Unless we wanted him to be dragged to an orphanage or a foster home.' Satomi said quietly.

'True. Such a reaction in his first night here under the new conditions is expected. It seems that he didn't remember what he did. I wish Kouji could keep things like this.'

It seemed pathetic to him to wait for his younger son's help to keep the elder twin under control. He was supposed to be their father who they should obey and respect. Kouichi always obeyed and respected him and even Kouji did the same to some extent now. The memory of what happened few hours ago at Tomoko's house was burning his heart whenever he remembered how strict he was in his talk then.

_'You heard me, Kouichi. Your mother is in no condition that allows her to look after you. You are old enough to understand the situation.' he said strictly and avoided to look at his son's tearful eyes._

_'You…you can't. She will be fine. I am not leaving her. You can't do this to her. She is always with me. She is the one who raises me up. You can't take me after everything she did. That's unfair!' Kouichi shouted out as his tears streamed on his cheeks._

_'Listen to me, son. I know it is hard on you but you will live with me and your brother. I thought you would be happy to stay with us.' Kousei's voice soften as he tried to reach his son who stood, trembling in the doorway of what was the living room of his house._

_'Not like this.'_

_It hurt to see them, his father and others, accusing his mother and whispering that she couldn't even take care of him. After everything she did, it wasn't fair to just leave her and accept the comfortable life his father can provide him. It seemed like betrayal to him as if everyone was waiting his mother to collapse just to offer him what they called a better life. It had been a week and yet even the neighbors felt sorry for him and asked him to stay at their house for a while till his mother recover; something they highly doubted _

_No one ever cared in the past about how tired and sick his mum was but now all of them are looking at him sorrowfully with pitiful eyes. His father and brother cared. He couldn't deny that especially after the reunion of the family but even that didn't justify their rather hectic steps to take custody over him. Kouji didn't tell him anything about his father's attempt to take him, and Kouichi wished from the bottom of his heart that his brother didn't know about that. If Kouji were with those plans, Kouichi would be devastated. Kouji wasn't that selfish to do something that cruel to his sick mother and to his broken brother or at least that what Kouichi tried desperately to believe._

_'Let's go, Kouichi.' his father said softly and stretched his hand to him but Kouichi stepped back and screamed, 'No! I am not leaving kaa-san's home. I won't leave her.'_

_'Enough! I am not taking you from her. You can visit her whenever you want,' his father shot back and grabbed his arm harshly, 'You are my son just like you are hers and I won't leave my son in a dark, empty apartment.'_

_'NO. LET ME GO!' Kouichi cried and tried to break lose from his father's hand, but the older man kept a firm grip over the younger. Despite Kousei's tight hold, his face showed agony and regret._

_He was his son too, but it seemed that two years weren't enough to make up for leaving him and his mum all those years. His son didn't want to come with him. His flesh and blood preferred to sleep on a cold bench in front of his mother's room in the hospital instead of the comfy life he can afford him._

_'It hurt!' Kouichi wept as his father twisted his hand unintentionally to stop him from squirming. Hot tears rolled again down his cheek and the teen whimpered faintly, 'Please…Otou-san.'_

_He let go of his son's hand as the effect of the plead struck him painfully. He didn't intend to hurt him. He wanted to make up for all what his son lost and that was his chance, but it seemed to him that he destroyed it.'_

_Kouichi continued crying as he fell on the dusty floor. He rubbed his ached hand with his other shivering hand and continued crying miserably._

_Behind his glasses, Kousei looked at the floor sadly and lost the stern look he had. He didn't pay attention to anything but his son's soft tears that even the door's sound and the familiar hurried steps towards them didn't reach him till he saw his younger son looking angrily at him and roaring dangerously. 'What have you done?'_

_Kouji lent in front of his brother and took him in a tight embrace which Kouichi accepted gladly, allowing his brother to cry upon his chest.  
><em>

_'You. Hurt. Him?' Kouji hissed slowly, glaring at his father in deadly accusing eyes._

_'I didn't. He is acting childish.'_

_'He has enough to deal with!'_

_Kouji turned his eyes to his trembling brother and whispered softly,'What happened, Nii-san?'_

_It was a rather stupid question as he vaguely knew about the custody case from his step-mom just before coming to visit his brother today._

_'I don't want to leave her. It is because of me, she is sick. I can't leave her. I am her son,' Kouichi sobbed, burying his face deeper in his brother's jacket._

_They were her sons but it was always Kouichi for her. It wasn't like she didn't consider Kouji as her son. Heck. No, she loved them both but Kouichi was the child she raised herself and looked after till he turned out to be a nice, sweet young man she was proud of. _

_Kouji understood his brother's tears and his protest as he sighed in frustration and looked at his father in apologetic manner before talking to his elder brother gently,' No one will take you from her. She wants you to be happy and safe so she will be really glad if you live with us for the time being. I promise you that when she became better, you will live with her again. For my sake, let's go.'_

_'No.' Kouichi shook his head,' I can't.'_

_'You can, Nii-san.' Kouji assured in a soothing manner, looking around them to see several paper, thrown on the ground. Bills, debts and other financial documents which seemed from the scene of them on the ground carelessly that they had been thrown angrily. His brother did that. No doubt. Their circumstances were blamed for their mother's sudden drop of health. That thought was the easy way Kouichi chose. The real reason was his mother's cancer that he just knew about the night she collapsed to be shocked by the fact of how developed the disease was._

_They took him home, hoping that the would accept the new life he was thrown too but things needed a lot of time to be healed but his reaction proved how wrong their father had been when he thought that Kouji's existence would comfort the other completely. Kouichi exploded after all of them went to sleep and sneaked out of his room, trying to open the front door. If Kousei weren't awake to finish studying one of the cases he worked on, he wouldn't discover his elder's son in his sleeping clothes in front of the front door. He held him strongly like what he did in Kouichi's home's before but the kid who had tried then to break free and ended pleading for a release fought this time dangerously and __even __muttered some illegible words that was foreign to him. Kouji came sleepily but was easily altred by the situation. He calmed his brother and saved his father whom Kouichi punched while protesting. The elder twin lost concentration and gave up to Kouji's comforting hug as the memories of what happened those few minutes were sealed._

'Kousei, you okay?'

'I am fine. Just tired. It had been a long night.' He sighed after being pulled from his memories. His eyes gazed at the second floor upstairs, where his sons are sleeping peacefully as he wished.

'Indeed. You have work tomorrow and they have schools, right?'

'I am not sure about that. Kouichi needs more time before accepting a new school and I don't think Kouji will leave him behind.' He said, running a hand in his hair nervously, 'But I can't let this continue for too long.'

Satomi smiled faintly to herself. She couldn't help but being surprised to see how confused her husband was the past few days. Observing that her husband didn't even care about his work and was extremely worried about his sons was a pleasant scene in fact. He always cared about his family, but recently that care intensified.

It wasn't that strange to feel sorry and worried about the ex-wife of her husband as the two women became very comfortable around each other after the cold barrier between them had faded quickly because of the twins. After all they were mothers of the same children.

Yes. They were her sons too, for blood wasn't the only tie that bonded them together. They were a family in a much larger sense.

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><p>So that is it.<p>

BTW, Kouichi was too lost and unfocused that he didn't even recognize that he was in Kouji's room at the beginning. After all it had been just few hours since he came or rather was dragged to his father's home.

Otou-san:father.

Kaa-san:mother.

Nii-san:dear older brother.

Hai:yes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author Note**

Hello everyone! I am so sorry, for this chapter winded up a little bit choppy, but if I continued it to the point I had intended earlier, it would be _extremely_ long. So according to the new plan, this story will be about four chapters length ..^.^..

I am really sorry again for the change of plan. Strange things could happen once you start writing the chapter up hehe*grinning sheepishly*. Thanks very much to all of you for reading and reviewing.

Anyway here we go. Please **R**ead & **R**eview *PUPPY EYES*.

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own Digimon or anything related to it.**

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><p><strong>My Heart Is Calling<strong>

**Chapter Two**

'Kouji…Kouji! Wake up!'

He finally did and with a tired groan as Kouji pulled himself to set, rubbing his eyes to shrug the sleep off him.

'Kouji!' his brother called again.

'Your voice is loud, Kouichi. What is wrong now?'He asked in a tad annoyance that he didn't even meant to a moment there he had forgotten about the whole mess they were in.

'Let's go before…before they wake up. Come on Kouji!Please.'

Kouji's head ached in an offended headache, which forced him to push his clinging twin gently away from his chest, muttering sleepily,' Calm down, Nii-san!What happened?'

He managed to pull his elder twin a little way, enough to look at him straight in the eye. Kouji could see him clearly now and it hurt even more. Kouichi's pale and tired face. His slightly red eyes from crying too much and even his untidy raven hair, which looked as if it had lost its shiny bluish color featured his brother personal hell, he went through in those few days.

Kouichi sniffled a little more and stuttered between sobs,' Please, let's go!'

Kouji sighed sympathetically and wiped his brother tears tenderly but his brother shed more tears and pleaded, louder this time, 'Before they…they wake up...You promised...Let's go!'

Kouji didn't reply. Instead, he wrapped his arms around his brother in a tight, familiar hug which became very common and frequent lately between them. A sign of security and comfort. A sign proved that they both needed. As expected, Kouichi leaned to the hug and repeated his pleads again and again. He was scared that his father and step-mom would wake up and prevent him from going to visit _her_.

Normally,they would never do something like that but after the struggle he showed when Kouji and his father braught him here,he had to admit that they have the right to be paranoid. It was a matter of expectation after all. He didn't have he chance to ask them to go as the previous night was his first night here.

Truth to be said, they were going to prevent him from leaving the house in his situation and both twins knew that. His father and step-mom would never let Kouichi out in his hysterical condition especially that they knew how calm and reasonable the elder twin used to be and such uncharacteristic behaviors of him like crying this much worried them.

Kouichi seemed as if he couldn't recall anything from what happened the previous night which Kouji was glad for. He didn't want to even think about his brother's reaction if he knew that he attacked his father and tried to run away after the middle of the night aimlessly. God knows how they both were still suffering from the guilt Kouichi felt after Duskmon's incident in the digital world. No need for such a new reminder of what he can do when he isn't himself.

With a quick glance to the o'clock on the opposite wall, Kouji realized that it was six in the morning. Which meant he hadn't slept more than three hours the previous night. Hence why he felt like pulling his twin down with him to sleep a little more but even if Kouichi agreed(which was impossibility), they had school. _He_ had school.

He ran his fingers in his brother's soft hair, soothing it lovingly before whispering as kind as possible, 'I will take you to visit her but not now. The visiting hours are after 5:00 p.m. It is meaningless to go now.'

Kouichi shook his head disapprovingly and gazed at Kouji's eyes. Tearful eyes met another sit of blue identical eyes that were burned in concern and deep,hidden pain. 'But _You_ promised. Please Kouji. '

'I know and I keep my word, Kouichi, but they won't allow us to see her. You know thatI want to see her too. Besides-'he hesitated then, but continued in a colder tune,' You have school too, Nii-san. You are expected to be at your new school today. My school.'

'N-No. But M-my previous school. I ca-can't…' he said slowly like a lost child with much more innocent and young voice than Kouji's heart could bear to hear.

'Our father is your guardian now and since you are living here,there is no point in staying at your previous school when you can attend mine.'

Kouichi freed himself from his brother's embrace and shivered despite the warmth of the blanket 'But that's unfair. He didn't…ask.'

He expected his brother to scream or to shout but Kouichi only whimpered. Kouichi's bangs fell loosely on his face as two lines of tears raced to his lips, 'He can't ta-take me from mama and my school. He is acting as if…as if mama had already died.'

Kouji's knuckles went white from the pressing on his palms. He didn't reply at first, leaving the bed suddenly and standing with his back to his brother.

' What is fair for you isn't fair for others. Life isn't fair. You know that better than anyone.'Kouji answerd coldly with a dry voice as if he was fighting with the words he said. It was cruel to say such words to his broken brother but soothing him all the time wouldn't get them anywhere. He hated himself for his words but someone had to do that.

'No…!I want to see her. I…I…want to...to…'

His hoarse voice and the words that came sobbing on their own accompanied him when he stumbled out of the bed and nearly falling on the ground, loosing his balance. Kouji's arms caught him in time and the regret Kouji felt over what he said showed clearly on his face as he helped his brother to rest on the bed. Kouichi fought but it was useless as Kouji was stronger and determinate to keep him on the bed.

'Please rest for now. I will take you there but you need to sleep for awhile.'

'And you?' Kouichi asked softly,giving up every thought of resistance. It was pointless anyway.

'I will stay by your side till you wake up. Now close your eyes and try not to think of anything.'

'I can't.'

'I know. Just try for me.' Kouji brushed his brother's misplaced bangs away from his eyes and smiled at him till Kouichi closed his eyes, leaving his mind to debate itself wildly.

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><p>'Kouji.' His father called, opening the door and awaking him from his temporary sleep. He wasn't really asleep as he was sitting beside his sleeping twin. Apparently, he fell asleep, watching his brother's peaceful slumber. An hour had passed since Kouichi had gave up to sleepiness.<p>

'Don't even think about skipping school today too! You didn't go for the entire can stay home will start school sooner or later.'

'I am not leaving.'

'What?' Kousei stepped in the room and looked at Kouji in growing anger,'Do you think staying here and doing nothing would help anyone?'

'Yes.'

The tired way Kouji answered with alarmed his father who calmed himself and registered the image of his younger son sitting on the bed with his hand above his sleeping brother's chest patting him softly like a her baby to sleep

A look of understanding and worry overcame him, 'How is he? He woke up, didn't he?'

'Yeah. I pushed him to sleep, though. He needs it as much as he needs me.'

'Kouji.'

'I can't Otou-san. I need to stay with him. I need him. It hurts too much to be strong in front of him when I am collapsing.'

Tears sparkled in his eyes but he pushed them away, letting his voice to loose its coldness and strength. It shouldn't hurt too much to express his feelings to someone who could understand and at that moment, that one was his father.

Kousei sighed heavily, leaning on the wall and rupping his forhead as he felt a wave of sadness controlling him, ' Don't push yourself too much, son. Even if Kouichi needed you strong. What good you will do supressing your emotions like this?'

'I am the only one he can ran to now. Kouichi's world consits of me and 'kaa-san. Other things like our friends and you and Mom came second.'It hurt to call his step-mom _mom_ in this situation and the thought that Satomi could be the only mother in his life soon terrified him to death.

'I understand but killing yourself to stay standing will tear him apart as well.'his father said and at the same time did the opposit. He was too hiding his emotions. His sadness that he would never come first for his elder son. Ever

Kouji stayed silent forcing his father to sigh in defeat as he stated,'I will leave you too. Try to get some sleep. I will give you two a ride to the hospital later.'

Kousei turned and opened the door, intending to leave.

'Otou-san?'

'Yeah.'

'Thanks for being so kind with Kouichi. He loves you too. He is just lost and scared to loose our mother.'

'I know that I would never defeat you and I am a lawyer,' he let a small chuckle that lightened the tension a bit and added,'But you know, I wish I could whack you on your head right now, Kouji?'

'What? Why?' Kouji blinked a little bit in tad confusion as in the back of his mind he knew that his words must have hurt his father in some deep level, however he felt that the responsibility of describing Kouichi's current behaviors falls on him.

'I am his father too, Kouji. Of course I love him and worry about him.'

Kouji's apologetic smile greeted him before he closed the door, leaving Kouji to snuggle under the blanket. He pulled his brother gently to him so Kouichi head could rest on his chest peacefully and whispered to him despite knowing that his brother wouldn't hear him,

'See Kouichi? He loves you too like 'kaa-san and me. Please hold on. I can't pretend to be strong when you are so destroyed like this. You make me strong so please…stay with me.'


	3. Chapter 3

**Author Note**

I have never thought that it will take this _long_ to finish it. I was really busy with other stories so I am sorry for the late update guys. Another chapter to go. It will be a sort of epilogue. To be honest, I am not completely satisfied with this chapter but if I kept editing, I won't finish it any time soon*sigh*

Anyway here we go. Please **R**ead & **R**eview *PUPPY EYES*.

**Disclaimer: Believe me I really don't own Digimon. Why on earth would I claim sth I don't have?**

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><p><strong>My Heart is Calling<strong>

**Chapter Three**

It wasn't surprising to see Kouichi shifting restlessly when they arrived to the hospital. Despite how tired he looked when Kouji awoke him half an hour ago, he was up like a shot at his younger twin's mentioning of the hospital's visit. For a moment there, Kouji hated that he was the one to wake up his brother after his peaceful sleep. But that had to be done and he didn't trust his brother's reaction if someone else did that.

It hadn't been a long ride to the hospital and the few moment they spent in the hospital, asking for Tomoko's room were way longer as Kouichi was half- asleep in the car. And, now they, he and his brother along with their father, were waiting the elevator.

Every second hurt even more and if it weren't for his ashamed self right now, he would cry right there. Scared he was and worried he grew that he didn't even recognize the elevator's opened door in front him as he looked absently in the space in front of him. If it weren't for Kouji's reassuring squeeze over his clenched hand, he wouldn't be able to catch the elevator. He wouldn't mind using the stairs but he felt as if his energy was consumed in crying which made the idea of running unappealing to him.

Kouji pushed his brother gently inside the elevator, holding his hand to afford some comfort to his elder twin. Nervousness accompanied them during their short way till they reached the fourth floor in the hospital . Why didn't Kouichi run to their mother's room when they saw it? He didn't need to ask as he looked at the hesitance and fear in his Kouichi's eyes.

_Please, be strong, Nii-san,_ he pleaded silently before dragging him kindly with their father at their heels.

An eye contact, was established between Kouji and his father, ended with an understanding nod from Kousei as he sat on the chair outside the room, leaving his sons to enter the room.

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><p>A warrior of light was supposed to love the light and the whiteness of the room but he hated every inch of the plain wall that surrounded the room. White is symbol of death as much as it is a symbol of pureness. The wind waved the white curtain lightly, enjoying the company of the down rays that performed a mixture of white and orange in the dead room.<p>

A beautiful scene indeed but to none of them.

A faint, weakwhisper reached them weakly, asking them to approach the 's eyes widen as he left his brother and ran to the bed's side.

'Mama!'

Tears flew freely as he stood by her side. Unable to stand, Kouichi knelt beside the bed and rested his head on her chest gently just to listen to her heartbeat and to feel her warmth.

'Oh my sweet baby.'She stroked his hair gently as the tears escaped her eyes to cover her face which was as pale as snow. Her illness prevented her from even holding Kouichi in her arms. She turned her head slightly to meet the other twin's eyes before managing a weak smile, 'Come closer, my child. I missed you too, Kouji.'

He didn't need her to tell him twice as he ran to her and took her free hand in his own,'Kaa-san. I…I wanted to…'

'Don't say anything, dear. I wish I have been able to spend more time with you but…'

Kouichi raised his head, showing a teary face and whimpered, 'Mama don't say that please. You will be fine. We will go home. Please don't leave me alone.'

He didn't believe his own stuttered words. He knew it was over. The only things left was waiting.

She kept her sweet smile and murmured softly, 'I am sorry, sweetie. You aren't alone. You have your brother and father.'

She coughed painfully enough to force Kouichi to leave her chest and stand by her bedside with fearful expression on his face.

'Listen to me…Kouichi,' she whisperd.

'Hai mama.'

A tired smile appeared on her lips as she closed her eyes and murmured,' Please don't stop living because of me. If…If you really love me, be strong and achieve your dreams. My dreams.'

He shook his head, crying out in agony, 'No. You you will be fine. Everything will be fine. Please mama stay with me.'

Her smile answered his plead. There is no hope. They were allowed to visit her because doctors lost hope. It was the end and as painfully as it was, he knew it long time ago yet denied. The pale smile triggered his barely audible whisper, answering her previous request,'I…I promise.'

She breathed heavily before looking at whose hold around her hand tightened but not strong enough to hurt her, 'I am sorry I wasn't by your side all that time. Please, sweetie, forgive me. Forgive us for separating you.'

The last part came as new-formatted tears tip-toed down her cheeks. She was talking to both of them.

'Ma…Mama. We have forgiven you long time ago…I love you. I was always thinking about you and now when…when you came….you can't just…leave.'

Kouji couldn't prevent the tears any longer as his sobs covered his words. Her smile faded and was replaced by anguish tears,'Please be strong and continue living.'

Her breathing became harder and harder as the light started to leave her eyes, 'Take care of each other.'

She freed her hand from Kouji's grip who was too weak to hold any longer before spreading her arms with difficulty, 'Come sweetie. I want to hug you both.' They did what she asked but Kouji couldn't bear resting upon her chest any longer, knowing that he might hear her heart's slient beats. He raised his head and looked at her as his brother kept holding her with what was left from his strength.

Closing her eyes peacefully, she whispered, 'I..I…love...'Pain shock her violently but she struggled it as much as she can,'both of you.'

She repeated with another smile, 'I love both of you, my sweet babies.'

The sun-rays pulled their hue. Darkness started to paint the sky with the mysterious color of the end of another day. The hand Kouji had been clutching turned limp as its owner's heartbeats slowed leaving the stunning voice of the long beeb of the machines beside the bed. They looked at the peaceful, still form with identical unbelieving eyes to see their mother sleeping peacefully forever…free of all troubles.

Kouji stepped back, letting the hand he was holding to rest beside the lifeless body, 'Mama.'

The waited answer to that whimper didn't come as the stillness hovered in the air. Hollow breathes joined scary heart beats as he took few steps behind, shivering involuntarily. He barely heard the door's opening and the doctor's entering along with a nurse…but he heard _him_. His brother.

Kouichi screamed but instead of stepping back like he did he tried to hug his mother, to rest on her chest , to smell the everlasting love scent as his mind refused to believe that she was gone… that he won't hear her comforting voice anymore nor feel her deep care again.

'Mama!Don't go please. Stay with me. MAMA!'There was no point in screaming hysterically. Dead don't come back but he couldn't manage to think properly or to stop himself from holding her as the nurse tried to cover her face with the white sheets.

The doctor turned to them and uttered his coldly professional sorry for their loss,'We tried out best. I am sorry.' Not that anyone can blame him. They tried their best but it was over…

Nothing stopped Kouichi from screaming for his mother to answer him or fighting his father's grip to prevent him from approaching her dead body. His agony reached Kouji like war's drum. He stared at him blankly at the beginning before it started to click in his mind. There mother was gone…and his brother was alone… He didn't need anything more to wake up from his momentarily empty world.

_"Take care of each other…"_ That what she had whispered to them. Without thinking of what he was supposed to do, he found himself running towards their father, releasing his brother from his hold and taking him in his arms. Kouichi didn't fight as strong as he had done in his father's arms.

Despite being absent to the world, Kouichi kept squirming and crying incoherently as words lost their meanings. Life and death are part of the universe. Neither is valuable without the existence of the other but no matter how he knows this fact, his heart kept calling for her to open her eyes and to assure him that everything will be fine.

They couldn't lose her so fast…It wasn't fair but life was never fair…it is simply life whom people should live with its joy and its sorrow. For them, sorrows have always beaten joys in their life but that never stopped them from trying to live for those who need their existence. Kouji's embrace tighten around his brother protectively as the doctor whispered something to the nurse before taking a needle from her seconds later and approaching them.

'He is collapsing. It would be better if he slept,'the doctor said in controlled grief. After all, he had been used to such incidents not that he ever liked seeing a child mourning for his deceased parent.

'N-no!' Kouji shivered, feeling the tickling tears on his flushed cheeks,'You won't.' Confidence or coldness were lost from his threat as he encircled his brother in his embrace. It wouldn't be fair to prevent Kouichi from crying. No one has that right…no one. Their father appeared in front of them, facing the doctor, which was enough to force the doctor to leave. Something in their father's eyes scared the doctor and yet attracted his sympathy. He too lost a woman he once loved, a woman who gave him the most two beautiful gifts in the world. His precious sons. And now that woman gave him the right to take them both and he would do what it takes to deserve that priceless gift.

Kouji's eyes couldn't deny the gratitude look he gave his father seconds later as the doctor along with the nurse left them. He rested his head on Kouichi's hair and whispered, 'Cry Nii-san. Let it all out.' The stutter of his voice as the tears he begged to stop flowing, kept freely streaming on his cheeks to fall eventually on his brother's raven hair. Kouichi obeyed unconsciously and stopped screaming. Instead he wept, clutching Kouji as if afraid to let go; afraid to lose someone else.

'I am here. I won't leave you no matter what. I promise.'

'P-Promise?' Kouichi whimpered between his was no need for that promise as they both knew that neither of them is going to leave the other. It was their mother's wish and they were more than willing to fulfill it.

'I-I promise. Always.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Author note**

And that is how it ends. It is a really good feeling to feel that I finally finished a multiple chapters story(even if they were only four)

This chapter was not supposed to be this long but I didn't feel like changing anything else including the length. An emotional chapter especially the second part which made me feel more satisfied with than the previous. Thanks for everyone who read this story and reviewed and those who read it or going to read it as well. Please enjoy and tell me your opinions.

Arigatou again ^^". And Till the next time.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon at all. Fine.**

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><p><strong>My Heart is Calling<strong>

'Are you even listening to me, buddy?' Takuya asked suddenly after talking for more than ten minutes about the new members in his soccer team, noticing the other's blank expression. The whole topic wasn't that interesting but at least it had been the only thing he manged to think about to grab his best friend's attention.

Kouji raised his head at the different, raised voice of his friend, meeting his warm eyes with his dead ones before shifting his gaze to the window again.

Takuya sighed and got from the armchair, sitting beside Kouji on the couch. 'Kouji?'

'Yeah.'

The dead silence controlled the atmosphere between them as Kouji kept staring at the open window. The night air freely played with the light brown curtains, reminding him with the white, dead curtains in that hospital room. He shook his head to shake off that feeling. He had been strong enough to fight his tears so far and he will keep doing that. A comforting hand touched his shoulder gently as Takuya said quietly,' 'Till when do you intend to stay like this? It had been a month.'

Kouji yanked his hand and turned away curtly.

_That is not working_, Takuya sighed mentally before fishing for a topic to change the gloomy atmosphere. They should have been working for the language project but Kouji was completely distant, hiding behind the coldness mask again.

'Why did Kouichi go home this quickly?'Takuya resorted to a conversation that wouldn't end with a yes or no. Kouji looked at his lap and replied in strange bitterness. 'He didn't finish his homework yet. He said he will borrow a book from Izumi in his way home so we can discuss it for the project tomorrow.'

'It seems he is moving on.' Takuya grinned brightly but his smile faded as Kouji's worried expressions didn't disappear. 'Better than what is supposed.'

'Huh?'

Kouji pulled his legs and rested on his knees, embracing himself as if fighting the possibility of looking at the brunette's eyes again.'I really don't know anymore. Sometimes, He is so distant and calm and other times he would be crying and talking about how much he misses her. '

'Maybe he needs time. He lived with her all his life Kouji. It must be hard on him.' Takuya pointed out as Kouji's worry started to affect him as well. It had been strange to see Kouichi adapting to this new life and at the same time refusing simple aspects of the same life as if he was contradicting himself.

Kouji bit lower lip and muttered painfully. 'Something doesn't seem right. He rarely looks at me directly as if ashamed of something.'

'Ashamed?'

Kouji nodded and raised his head. 'I don't understand him anymore, Takuya.' He paused. 'I-I don't know what to do with him anymore.'

Takuya opened his mouth then shut it in loss of words.

Kouji wasn't someone who would show the world his weakness or his need for someone to understand him but it hurt to carry that pain any longer. A disobedient tear ran from his tightly closed eyes as he muttered sourly, stifling his sobs. 'Sometimes he wants nothing more than to be alone and other times he would cling to me like he is going to lose me. He doesn't even want to move from my room despite the existence of his own room. I like it when he is with me but he didn't even want to accept Otou-san and'kaa-'

His ability to hold his tears back broke down as he cried out in frustration. 'Damn it! I can't even call her that anymore. S-Satomi understands that I can't call her 'Kaa-san anymore but-'Few tears joined the first rebel as he put his hands around his head in pain, 'I am sick of all of that.'

The ex-worrior of fire came closer to him with his comforting, encouraging nature. 'It will be okay, Kouji.' Takuya said quietly, giving his friend a comforting hug and adding, 'You just need to talk to him about that to know what is bothering him.'

Kouji cried for another good five minutes before Takuya undid the hug and smiled to him. Kouji wiped his tears and murmured after regaining his calmness, ' I really act like an idiot by crying like this.'

'Oh come one. Everyone deserve a time to cry for something and this is the second time I saw you crying for Kouichi.' Takuya grinned teasingly receiving a shrug from the now-cool Kouji. He patted Kouji's back a little harshly causing the bandana boy to glare at him playfully.

Takuya groaned few seconds later as the sight of the scattered notebooks around them alarmed him.'Man, we still have loads of homework to finish. Kouichi might have helped us if he stayed here.'

'I guess.' Kouji looked at the floor then sighed, picking his cell phone and dialing their home's number, receiving a confused look from Takuya who asked, 'Are you calling him?'

Kouji rolled his eyes, trying to be as normal as possible. 'No, he always forgets his new cell phone. I am calling home to see if he arrived. He left two hours ago.'

His father answered the phone in the fifth ring, worrying him even more.

'Otou-san. Shouldn't you be at work?'

'I have some office work that I can finish at home. Do you want a ride? It is already 9:30 PM.'

Kouji blinked at the mentioning of time and looked at the wall's o'clock, stifling an annoyed groan. 'It is okay. I will walk home after finishing my homework.'

_'_Okay then but make sure your brother doesn't sleep while studying.'His father chuckled light-heartedly.

'What are you talking about? Nii-san went home two hours ago.' Kouji's panicked voice alarmed his father and Takuya who raised his head from his English book at Kouji's anxious tone.

_'_But he isn't here. Are you sure he headed home?' The worry in his father's voice was killing him slowly.

Kouji nodded before remembering he was on the phone, 'Yes. He went to take a book from Izumi's house and will head home after that.'

His father sighed in relief and replied slowly as the worry didn't leave his voice yet. 'Maybe he is at your friend's home till now.'

Kouji breathed in difficulty, trying to calm his worry before adding. 'I will see if he is at Izumi's house. I will call you later.'

Kouji hung up before collapsing on the couch tiredly, cold sweat covering his forehead. He reached for the cell phone again, searching for his friend's number as Takuya's concerned interrupted him. 'He is not there. I called her an hour ago to ask for the project's dead line and she didn't say anything about him.'

'That...c-can't...be!'

'Worrying hysterically won't do you any good Kouji. Let's go search for him. Call your father and tell him. Maybe we could find him in his old home. He frequently goes there, right?'

Kouji nodded absentmindedly before whispering miserably, 'Am I...going to lose...him too?'

'Don't think so hopelessly. You can't act like this, buddy. You should be strong for him and for yourself. I will call the others to look for him as well. It is not that late anyway.' Takuya encouraged in hurry, picking his own cell phone and putting it in his pocket before looking for the home's keys.

'Strong for me?'

Takuya nodded and gripped his wrist, dragging towards the door. 'Yes, because you completely ignore yourself for him these days. I am sure he doesn't want this.'

The former leader opened the door to see his mother and shinya coming back from their shopping trip. He smiled somewhat in relief and hurriedly told them that he was going to be late a bit looking for a friend before running along with Kouji. At least, he wouldn't leave without telling someone.

'We will split up and look for him. Call me if you find him.' Takuya shouted out while they reached the main street, running in the opposite direction.

Kouji nodded silently and started running with one thought in his mind. _'I promised to take care of you Nii-san and that includes knowing had changed between us. Please be okay, Kouichi.'_

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><p><em>Mama!<em>

'It had been a month already. Kouji's school isn't that bad and my friends are there as know you were right I am not alone. Otou-san and Satomi-san are doing their best to make things easier for me but I couldn't forget the barriers this fast. Our old house is still there and I frequently go to visit it and to make sure it is...livable. After all, it _is our_ house. I didn't move from Kouji's room yet. This is kinda weird as Otou-san had prepared another room for me. Don't worry about me. I am doing just fine 'Kaa-san. You know Mama. I miss you. I really do…'

The tears he abandoned in the first few sentences in his one sided conversation burned his eyes. He didn't know what to say to a silent stone's grave except blabbing about whatever came to his mind. He shivered at the weather's coldness that matched his internal pain. Things weren't the best, he knew. He had been lying to her even in her grave but he couldn't dare to bother her in her rest. Tears kept streaming silently as he refused to even sniffle. His new school wasn't that easy to get used to but at least he hads his brother and their friends in the same school. Kouji's parents or what were supposed to be his parents now tried really hard to help him to settle in but it had been impossible to simply accept their full interference in his life. It was not that he didn't like Satomi, it was just that she was Kouji's step-mum not his. He was an orphanage without his real mother and he should deal with that.

He wiped his tears before looking at the flowers in front of his mother's grave. 'You know Mama. I miss you…' This time he couldn't resist sobbing audibly at the scene of the cold grave that contained who was one day his eternal light. The woman who raised him and scarified her happiness for, refusing to remarry to make sure he was the center of her attention and love. The mother who worked day and night to offer what he _wanted_, preventing herself from what she _needed _and the warm heart that had always beat for him, hummed to him when he was asleep. More tears but nothing would bring her back. What was left was a memory. A memory he will live to feel and to remember. He embraced himself, wishing that her arms could envelop him in their warm embrace one more time.

Maybe he wasn't alone as he had told her in her death bed but he wasn't complete as what he wished to be. Life was cruel enough to take that beloved heart from its place and to place it in that grey grave. His teary eyes gazed at the midnight sky longingly. Maybe she is fine there. Such a loving heart and exhausted body needed to rest and he wouldn't protest. But he was human and he felt the pain of such loss . Darkness enveloped everywhere around him. After all, he wouldn't find a lit spot after midnight in a graveyard. Not that he really cared. He knew he was wrong by coming here in such a late hour but what could he do if his heart was the one who took his trembled hand and led him like a blind child to come here.

The wind's sound between the stones was able to terrify anyone in such a place but his heart barely felt the supposed fear. Something was empty inside him…It felt impossible to fill it anyway.

The sound of approaching frantic steps startled him slightly but he didn't even turn to look and kept staring at the grave before suppressing a sob. The sound came closer as the wind's sound's grow louder as if participating in a tragic symphony. Strong arms encircled around his waist strongly, pulling him from behind to someone's chest. Anyone would scream or at least try to run away but he kept simply there and limply allowed whoever was there to hug him.

'You...s-scared me. 'The one who was enveloping him into an embrace panted tiredly and couldn't stop his drumming heart from beating frantically. 'It is 1:00 in the morning. We were worried sick about you. Our friends are still looking for you too.'He sighed in relief before resting his head on Kouichi's shoulder, dropping the blame tone seconds ago and replacing it with a softer, caring one. 'You should have told me.'

A stifled sob escaped Kouichi as he freed himself from the other's hug and kept turning his back to him.

'Nii-san. Are you-?'

'I am fine, Kouji.'

Kouji moved towards him and asked slowly. 'What were you thinking about by coming here?

'I-I wanted to visit her. 'He whispered hesitantly.

Kouji sighed in defeat as his eyes settled on Kouichi's sad features.'At least, you should have told me. I would come with you.'

'I am sorry, Kouji.'

'Why?'

Kouichi didn't answer but kept looking at his feet in shame before Kouji turned to face him, tilting his chin and forcing him to look at his eyes. 'There is nothing to apologize for, Kouichi.' He moved his fingertips and wiped the other's tears tenderly. 'What is wrong, Nii-san?' Kouichi's eyes turned away from him, forcing Kouji's heart to sink deeper. 'Why can't you even look at my eyes anymore?'

'I am...s-sorry. P-please forgive...m-me.'

Kouji sighed again before releasing his twin, 'Just tell me what is going on. Please, Nii-san.'

'I can't face...you anymore.'

'What?' Kouji stared at him in confusion but before he could ask for explanation, Kouichi added in the same stuttering tone, 'You-you didn't cry after the funeral. You are always trying to be strong for me...because I _was_ too weak to...move on then. This is u-unfair.'

'Kouichi…'

'You can't do this to yourself. Suppressing your sadness after losing 'Kaa-san and crying alone when no one is around. I-I can't bear seeing you like this.'

The younger twin's gaze fixed at the dusty ground and muttered, 'I have to be strong for you because you...need me.' He remembered Takuya's words, _You should be strong for him and for yourself_. Back then he didn't completely got what Takuya wanted to say. He added in cracked voice, 'I can't allow myself to-

'Stop it!'Kouichi cried out in agony, 'I am not the only one who needs help. You are hurting yourself, Kouji. It is unfair to refuse expressing your feelings. When-when you thought I died, you cried. 'Kouichi shivered at his own voice before softening it into a mere whisper. 'Doesn't 'Kaa-san deserve your tears too?'

Kouji was taken aback by his brother's outburst and his tearful question. He had tried since their mother's death to avoid crying or looking weak in front of him till he partially collapsed in front of his best friend earlier and even then he cried because he was confused and didn't know what to do to help his brother but didn't allow his tears over his mother's death to reveal themselves to anyone. He prevented himself from shedding tears over his loss and whenever he can't defend himself against his own emotions, he would cry alone without anyone's around.

Kouichi had been devastated after the funeral and it took all his strength and patience to help him… to assure him that he was not alone. Amidst all that, he forgot himself and ignored his pain. No wonder, he felt hollow whenever he saw Kouichi's tears as if his own emotions' had abandoned him. His father had told him several times to try to help himself first but he never obeyed. Even Takuya whom he hardly talked to after the funeral advised him to try to be himself more…to stop hurting himself by suppressing his emotions.

'Please, I don't want to lose you too. If you kept doing this, you will collapse. You told me to cry that day and I did. Is it too hard to listen to your heart?' Kouichi sniffed and turned to face their mother's grave and murmured, 'She asked us to move on. We can't do this if we didn't accept our pains and our past.' His voice trembled as another wave of tears overcame him. 'Please, for me and…her, stop shouldering this burden alone or did you forget already, Kouji?'

Kouichi walked slowly towards him and threw his arms around his stunned brother's shoulders, pulling them both to sit on the ground. He rested his head on Kouji's shoulder and kept hugging him, allowing a sad smile to lighten his face. 'She asked us to take care of each other, ne? Don't carry this pain alone, Otouto-chan.'

Kouji shuddered involuntarily as his brother's pained words offered a hand to his troubled heart. He returned Kouichi's hug and embraced him even tighter, burying his face in Kouichi's hair. It was strange how they were thinking about each other this way. He was about to die from worrying over Kouichi's depressed personality not knowing that he was the reason behind that, not realizing that his brother's worry over him was what was hurting him. He wished to slap himself or to hit his head with something hard for avoiding to have an honest talk with his brother since their mother's death. He had always thought that Kouichi was the one who wanted protection and a strong brother and didn't realize that he was also in need for the same things. Kouichi wasn't the only one who thought at the beginning that he was alone in this suffering.

He gave up the shells he kept protecting his heart with, allowing glittering drops of tears to fall freely in front of Kouichi for the first time since their mother's death. It was ironic how he was the one who needed Kouichi to regain himself and not the other way around. But it didn't matter to him. They were together for each other and it didn't matter who fell and who stood, offering a hand to the other as long as that hand would be accepted. Their silent sobs mingled together as their hearts felt that they were beating together.

'Arigatou, Nii-san.' Kouji managed to murmur between his sobs. The elder twin didn't reply but continued crying softly before whimpering, 'I-I miss her, Kouji.'

Kouji's embrace tightened unconsciously and replied, 'I m-miss her t-too.' He wept like a child for the loss of the mother he didn't have the chance to live with. The sobs for that beloved soul washed his ached heart. They weren't surprised to notice their father walking towards them, looking at them in burning concern. They didn't undo their embrace as he hugged them both and whispered to them in grief, 'I am always here for both of you. I know you can achieve your dreams to make her and me proud of you. I-I love you both.'

Kouji's blue eyes shut themselves in solemnly to allow the tears they were long hidden to reveal themselves to the world in front of his mother's grave in that moonless night. Kouichi smiled softly at his father, accepting his warm hug and flashing a kind smile to Kouji who was for the first time accepting his father and brother's look at him as a child. The best way to express their love and gratitude for her was to be together and to move on to achieve the dreams she always wished to see them working for.

Life and death are two sides of a coin to balance the universe and to let people understand the valuable of each because of the existence of the other. It is not wrong to express your feelings for those who you can trust and love. But it is rather shameful to ignore your heart's pleads to announce its terrified sadness to the world. Tears might be the faintest feature of sadness over a beloved's loss. It might not be a necessity to express love in that way but holding them back might be a betrayal for those who if they were in your place would not hesitate to break in tears.

_**Owari**_


End file.
